I totally just had the most bizarro burkah experience. I was riding the micro-mini-bus home from my second job (hello, multi-tasking) and the burkah next to me said that she'd pay my fare. And I was all, ''You want it where?'' and she was all, "I want you to cum in my hair." This is where I catch the bus - Bab al Yemen. Dudes congregate outside and stare at each other. Once in a while they'll sell a robe to someone that doesn't already have a thousand of them.
I don't get it. She was a true Yemeni, but was she a true prostitute or just being nice? She was very interested in the NGO I work for, so I gave her the web address. But I didn't give her my email - which I'm not regretting. I kind of freaked since I've been brainwashed in this short time to think a la Yemeni. She could have been a great contact for Yemen's underbelly. But then she threw in, "I'll visit you at your work.'' I have a feeling this isn't the last I'll be seeing of Fatina (NOT Fatima!, she shrieked).
The past couple of days have been interesting.
I went to my teacher's wedding. He's 28 and therefore over-the-hill. He was so giddy in class about his new wife of whom he's only seen a handful of times sans burkah. I was sure to ask him if he had any, you know, 'sex questions.' He was shocked and appalled. I was like, oh gurl, don't even.
The wedding itself was very reminiscient of a Lower East Side hipster bar. Lots of people sitting around in fancy clothes, not talking, looking extremely bored. The only difference is that everyone had huge goiters on their faces. Okay, not goiters, but huge balls of pulverized qat in their cheeks. And they weren't bored - they just had the classic, gormless, Yemeni stare. Basically, I sat around for 4 hours listening to some guy wail in Arabic, attempting not to swallow the qat (of which has caused a massive sore in my mouth), and speaking English to a throng of people 'fascinated by foreigners' (this is how they were introduced to me). All in all, an experience that I won't jump at the chance of re-living anytime soon. Especially since the mild narcotic kept me awake all night, and we all know how I need my sleep. Bored Yemenis:
My teacher pointing at my fierceness:
The groom, my teacher. He smelled like a $2 prostitute with all those perfume-soaked flowers around the neck. I told him that, too. He already knows my looney tunes.
Then I went to another teacher's house for a group lunch with the other students. Thank god the most annoying students were out of town. I was able to stuff my face in relative peace and quiet since everyone was too scared to speak their shitty Arabic in front of each other. The students are very competitive this year - so what level are you in? The hot pink one.
The food was de-lish. The highlight was a chocolate cake, drenched in honey, covered with whipped cream and M&Ms that had been precariously perched on top of a Jell-o mold! A Jell-o mold! I totally had a high-fashion, Janice Dickinson photoshoot with that nonsense. Nobody else was as impressed by its retardedness as I was. Idiot faces. I was so full that I had to excuse myself and lay down in the other room until my dress dropped. I mean, the food dropped.
Spot the cake, ya'll.
And I've scored another job. I teach (let's use that term mildly) English to university students at an English language institute. Um. Basically, I get paid to sit around and converse with people that already speak English. Since I'm American, and therefore slutty/evil, they want me to come up with 'hot topics' for each class so they can figure out how terrible hell is going to be for me. My last topic was 'Honor Killings - How to look fierce while your father is drowning you in the swimming pool he bought with laundered oil money'. I actually got a few of the students to start thinking about what an honor killing actually is - and if, maybe (just maybe), there may be a better way to punish people than by lining up and throwing rocks at their heads.
I know a lot of people think all Arabic/Middle Eastern women are brainwashed. But based on my experiences, I've only witnessed the contrary. Not anymore. Let me tell you, there are a few brainwashed ones out there. I was told two classes ago by a woman that her gender is not mentally-capable to hold a challenging job. I've heard this from men, but to hear a woman say it has a totally different impact.
She just needs a 'lil deep dickin'.