have i got the cure for you!
Essentially this is a watered-down version of what still exists in Yemen. Here goes:
1. I'm sick. So so sick. The medicine from the pharamcy doesn't work anymore because I've been popping prescription grade pills since the age of 15 for simple things like period cramps and swollen knees from you-know-what.
2. Oh, it hurts.
3. How did I forget? There's this woman who does bloodletting. Maybe she can help me!
4. I go to this house. This woman identifies my 'hot zones', cuts me 4-8 times in said zones, sticks a hollowed-out bulls horn on the cuts, places her mouth on the bulls horn, then sucks like any good Meatpacking trannie would.
5. The suction created inside this bulls horn (which I'm sure was sterilized) draws out the bad blood. 6. Wow, I feel better.
I've always known things like this exist out there. But its the fact that someone sucks through a bulls horn that really puts me over the edge. Glass, plastic, metal - fine. But an appendage from a dead animal?
I approached my other teacher (the one who hasn't totally gone off the deep-end as a result of his qat addiction and personal finance crises) about this practice.
He promptly showed me a scar from when he got cauterized!
Some ancient woman in his village branded his back because he was having pains in his abdomen. And it worked! Fuck yeah!
Just stick it in!