I've been hanging out with the group of kids that are using the same service that I'm using for my living situation. They're all super-good at Arabic and I'm always the stupid one. Which is difficult for me, because let's face it, I'm pretty good at most things.
Anyway. A new kid arrived from Texas and he doesn't know jackshit, so I thought I could start feeling good about myself again. But then I tried buying my 1000th schwarma sandwich the other night (and let me say that I've never had problems with this task previously) and the schwarma man asked me if I was speaking English or Arabic to him. Excuse me, and I'm that terrible? Then he went on to say that my Arabic is neither good nor bad, but that he can't understand me. Again, excuse me? Do I know you?Needless to say, I've since enrolled myself with a private Yemeni conversational teacher. I told him my sob story, he felt my pain, and told me that the Syrians are stupid and that he can understand me. He may have been lying, but it made me feel better.
But in more exciting news, I've had two "dates" this week (what is a date in the ME anyway?). I know. Shocking. I'm just going to come out and say it because this is the way its done here for obvious reasons, but yes, we totally met on the Internet. I can officially say that the Internet is a viable portal for meeting people - maybe not the right people, but you can reach out and touch someone if you really want to.
Number 1: Told me to meet him in a park. Cool. Should I wait for someone to stick a dick in my ear while I sit on the bench? Don't only hustlers and drug addicts meet in parks?
Whatever. I complied.
Was at least tall, but not as fit as I like them to be.
In the first 5 minutes I felt like I was on some sort of NYC public access drama about guys picking up guys in parks. Dude was in therapy, but then his therapist came onto him, but he's still on his meds, and they make him feel really good. Daddy gives him an allowance for such things like iPods and designer chocolate chips cookies. His allowance at university was $50,000/year. I asked him what he had to show for it and he said nothing, except a $400 DKNY shirt. I'm sorry, but since when did Donna Karan's shitty offshoot start producing $400 items? I hope it said DKNY in big, reflective letters whatever it was.
God, what I'd do to be an Emirati.
We're going to 'break fast' together next week. We'll remain friends but nobody's getting poked with the cattle prod.
Number 2: For those in the know, there is officially a Middle Eastern version of Grant. Fierceness. While it's fun playing around with elfs, it does feel slightly pedophilic. Like hanging out with my kid brother or something. "Do you want to go on the swingset later, Bobby?"
I thought it all went nowhere, but then I got the requisite - "Beer, my house, extra bed" schpeel. I've long since outgrown my teasing phase and basically said, "I'll take the beer and hang out at your place, but I can tell you now that I am not sleeping over." I thought that was very grown up of me sonsidering my past behavior. I'd usually hem-and-haw, end up shit-faced and naked, and then "come to" and realize that I'm a massive retard and that I should just roll over and die.
And while I'm not a huge fan of talking about myself, I'm not exactly sure if even one question was thrown my way. There should be some sort of reciprocality in any relationship, even if its an acquaitanceship, right? That's what Tyra says at least.
Regardless. It could be fun, but it could be a really good way to catch a disease.