Saturday, July 21, 2007

tickets, please

Outside Edfu/Horus Temple. Fufu, me, Melike, Mahmoud. Our felucca-sailing team.

Hieroglyphs inside the temple.

Mahmoud HAD to get his picture with this replicate of a boat. Some angry, British faggot got angry at us because we were monopolizing the photo opportunity.

So, I responded to that by getting MY picture taken with it, as well.

Mahamoud and Fufu on the new felucca!!!

You know how much I love being in the mud. They had put these weird shoulder-pad things on me, too. Not sure the significance. Is Fufu looking at my dick?


Naj' Faras. All houses painted this beautiful blue. Narrow corridors between the houses.

Dr. Seuss trees.

Fufu hand-feeds Mahmoud all meals.
Selling bread off of bicycles is better than selling bread off of the street.
Election posters. Like most places with high illiteracy-levels, each candidate is assigned a symbol that voters can look for at the voiting booth. Mr. Dabab's symbol is the camel. Shocker!

Went down South to visit the infamous Mahmoud (Cheeky Monkey) with my friend, Melike. We had a very relaxing 5 days.

We did a few days on the felucca, visited a few temples, stayed in Mahmoud’s village with his family, stayed in Ashraf’s village with his family, spent a day lounging the pool, and endured two hellacious overnight train journeys.

Things we learned on this trip:

- Female circumcision runs as rampant in the South as the NGO's report. Even though women report that they don't have an orgasm from sex ... and even though men say that they get no pleasure from a woman who just lays there like a slab of meat as a result of her circumcision ... everyone agrees that it's 'necessary'. I mean, how can a girl with a clit get married?

- Many believe that HIV/AIDS was spread by women having sex with animals - most probably dogs. Women love to have sex with dogs and the pornography (which is nearly impossible to procure in Egypt) showing this is evidence enough.

- People will go out of their way to tell you how they love Muslims, Jews, and Christians equally. We all worship the same god, blah blah blah. Ten minutes into the diatribe, you start wondering, "Wait, you're assuming I'm Christian?" and "What are you so fanatical about something so basic and obvious?"

- Women, make sure you look as pissed off as possible at your wedding celebration. Make it obvious that you hate the man that's been chosen for you, make it obvious that you hate the fact making bread and babies 24/7 is your future, make it obvious you don't know how to blend your make-up. Everyone will love you for it.

- Everything is either black or white, haram or halal, forbidden or allowed, good or bad. There's no need for self-analyzation (or any analyzation, in general) because it can only be one, or
the other. Don't be surprised if someone tells you what you're doing is bad even if you think it's good.

- People have no concept of culturally inappropriate questions, despite dealing with foreigners on a daily basis.

- Cleopatra Pool in Aswan is clean, with a good view, and only costs $2 to use all day. If you complain enough, you might even get a free day-use room!
- Pay $2 to the train assistant and he'll make sure you get a private cabin. Even if the train is sold-out.

- Always travel with a sheet and a pillow. You never know where you'll need to sleep, which sort of creepy-crawly will want to impregnate you in the middle of the night, and as a barrier to the sicknesses you'll receive from dirty air-con filters (or maybe filter-less?)

- We're all going to heaven. Even if we're bad people, we'll hang out in hell for a bit, get a tan, have a few cocktails, and eventually end up in heaven with the rest of the hairless virgins.

- Swimming in the Nile and contracting Bilharzia (liver-infecting parasite) is a great trade-off for not sweating like a pig 24/7.

- Don't drink alcohol mid-day in 100+ weather

- Liver sandwiches are the new kidney sandwich


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